Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
