Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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