there's paper in my vomit.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
