I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Found the puke drawer
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
