i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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