just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
