I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
