my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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