you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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