I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I will pee on everything he values.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
