she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Is Oprah even human
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
