he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
