Your mouth is God's brothel.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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