That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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