She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who died my cat blue again?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
