I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
