you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
