And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
