Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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