So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
