Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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