she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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