Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
