My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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