I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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