I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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