So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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