dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
