I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
