please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
