weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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