I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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