I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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