it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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