The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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