i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
