I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
