Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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