people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
