he wants to bone in the snuggie
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
mondays should just be called national damage control day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
