I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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