Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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