Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
