just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
