it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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