Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
