She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
