Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize