I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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