I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
