i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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