fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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