Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
