why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
