OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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