note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
