she looked like the before picture.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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