my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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