I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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